20.11.10

God****it, Kirk.

I think back often when I sit on my back porch (its such a beautiful view) and say to myself, "What the hell are you still doing here?".     I wish sometimes that I had a video camera to capture some of the things I've seen and done.   The funny thing about all of these near death experiences are that they all have these things in common;  inexperience, machismo and/or being in a hurry.  I could post more than 10, but it's a good, round #. 
From least catastrophic to worst:       
 
10.   Got drunk in college and went sideways on 2 wheels on the Barkley lake bridge.  Yee-haw.  What a stupid fucker!  
9.  Going head to head with a C-130 at 200 feet above the ground, thinking to myself  "Why are you heading straight into my aircraft?"  
8.  Todd decided to peel off onto the Pilot Rock road.  It felt like the Alfred Lord Tennyson poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade ".  We took that truck into and out of hell.  The funny thing was, the whole time we were about to invert into that sinkhole all I could think about was keeping the beer from spilling. 
 7.  Don't ever go 90 into a 25 mph zone. The signs are posted there for a reason.  You tend to take the road off the beaten path under those circumstances (especially on a motorcycle).  
6.  When you decide to go insane and ditch your car in the west Texas desert, bring plenty of water.  I went insane once on a whim and drove to the Guadalupe Mts.  After abandoning my car I wandered into the unforgiving Texas desert.  A few days later I stumbled onto a road with a dry canteen.  After an angel found me I proceeded to vomit and go into a state a metamorphosis.  I found myself days later chanting on a rock in Joshua tree.     
5.  When I was 16 I gave Jamie B the keys to my ford F-250. Not the best decision. We were being delinquents in the country.   Some local chased us at approximately 80mph.  We lost control of the truck and flew upwards of 15 feet.  The truck finally landed on 2 wheels at an 80 degree roll angle. The vehicle landed so hard that the air in ALL 4 TIRES were completely gone.  That is how hard we landed! Jesus!........  The gun in the face was no picnic either.  
4. Stop signs are posted at very strategic locations for as reason; STOP AT THEM!  I learned this the hard way.  When I was 17 I was too cool to stop at signs.  I ran into oncoming traffic and nearly killed Mike (sorry about that).  Luckily nobody was injured, but man that fu&^%g hurt!  
3. Four wheelers are inherently dangerous.  Trees are not; unless you put them together.  I was going too fast through the woods and ended up between a tree and my 4-wheeler.  I threw my sister completely off the back!  The next morning I woke up sucking ice cubes and vomiting from bone surgery.  
2. As a rookie climber one statement holds true.  IF YOU ARE DUMB YOU HAD BETTER BE TOUGH!  After climbing up 80 feet I incorrectly set up my rappelling anchor.  When I leaned back the whole system gave way!  To this day I believe an angel must have intervened.  The rope miraculously caught a carabiner and allowed me to rappel to the safe ground.  What a sandwich head!  
1. Air Traffic Control ain't perfect either!  Last year an air control tower cleared our aircraft for landing on runway22.  They then cleared a multi engine, 15 passenger jet simultaneously for takeoff on the same flight path!  Who has the right off way in this scenario?  Who fu%^% cares!  Get the hell out off the way! CLEAR RIGHT!

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